He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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