I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize