Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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