Where is the hickey?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
