Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize