he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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