But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
