I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
