I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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