Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
