i think i have herpe
just one?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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