Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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