idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
