just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
