remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
