I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
