He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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