i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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