who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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