I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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