Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
