I think i sorta joined a cult last night
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
