I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
