I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
