Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
