Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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