whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
