quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
