You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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