oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
