There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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