Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize