I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
