I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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