Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Screwed.edu
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
