yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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