why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
