I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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