I think I won the penis lottery.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
