Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
