my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
