i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
