we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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