I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
