I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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