we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
