i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
