just come out here and I will go home with you...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
