apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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