"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
