i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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