guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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