don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
