He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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