Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize