Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
