is wine microwaveable?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
