i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
