Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
