If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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