Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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