new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize