yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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