there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
