at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
