She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
