I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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