No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
