She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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