just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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