I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
