So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i already hear my dad disowning me
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
