He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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