then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
