i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
