i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
