Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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