New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize