You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
