sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
