How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we're so committed to being not committed
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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