Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
