i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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