mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
so much tequila, so little girl.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
