Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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