I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
