During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
After tacos, we're chasing women.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
