why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
